Cure For Singleitis Found at Popular Drug Mart

Bored? Lackluster? Ill at Ease in Crowds? Single? There is a new fix for that, and you won’t believe how easy this is! And for the needle-averse, it’s now available as a spray!

Now before your worst fears are realized, it cures singleness without singling out (so to speak) marriage as the only solution… that’s right, it simply gets you into a couple fast, without documentation, waiting periods, or any picky hetero requirements.

Laboratory tests have shown that this Miracle Cure lasts at least as long as real marriage! Yes, on the average, you can expect to be paired up for as much as 7 count ’em 7 years, the length of a typical first marriage in the U.S. And, if you have already been together in a couple, your RE (relationship expectancy) goes way up!

Think of it! One spritz from this innocuous-seeming spray bottle fixes you up for life as we know it. There are, however some Dos and Don’ts.

DON’T SPRAY…

…in the presence of relatives closer than second cousin

…in the presence of ex-partners living or dead

…in the presence of your best friend’s Significant Other

…in a bar or drinking establishment

…when you are over the legal limit

Be Safe! Have Fun! Go Forth and Multiply! (Or divide if you are any form of one-celled life.)