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Terms of Eternal Servitude Agreement

by on Mar.01, 2015, under Humor

Hello, Corporate America, Corporate World.

This will be your sole official notice that any person, place or thing requiring that I agree to a set of Terms of Service (TOS) or suchlike, where the weasel-wording is 27 scrolls below the bottom of that tiny box, also jointly and severally agree to the Terms of Eternal Servitude items below.

“Company” is a generic term for any provider I might choose to do business with, past, present or future.

1. Everything that comes into my world from Company belongs to me. If Company has placed some promotion directly in my path such as on the Internet or any other media stream to make me aware of any offering, Company has therefore placed it in my inalienable, personal and totally private world.

2. Company expressly agrees that I signed your TOS under practical duress.

3. Any terms of service on the part of Company that either take too long to read, are illegible, or contain language requiring a major law firm to decipher, will sever that clause from any agreement I make with Company.

3. If Company should try to bind me to a 2-year or any other time-based contract for any media or Internet service, I have the full and indisputable right to sever the contract by cutting off funds to Company with no repercussions.

4. I respect the right of Company to make money or other consideration from valuable products or services, but not through means of hoodwinking me with “legal” language.

Thank you for your attention. How far did you have to scroll?

Are you aware that the IRS has a TOS expressed in some 77,000 pages of tax code? They are totally severed.

Signed into Universal Law at 8:25:37 on 26 April 2015.

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